Tuesday, December 21, 2010


it's one of those times when it's very uncomfortable to be me.  i have a pretty clear vision of how I want my life to be and it doesn't seem like it would take that much to get there.  But it's always just beyond reach.  I could go see my therapist, and I do believe in the therapeutic process, but it seems like we've talked the issues inside out and backwards, too.  I feel my being able to keep up at work slipping away and the household has definitely gotten away from me.  There's a couple of people who are silent that hearing even a simple, 'I know things are rough right now' would help alot.  But it's not there; just a deafening silence that says more than any words they would utter.  My thinking is fuzzy.  I'm uncomfortable in  my body.  I fantasize about assuming a new identity and beginnign a new life; if I could start out with a level playing field in some ways, it would be awfully tempting. 

It's the kind of period where I buy a gingerbread man, get one with only one eye and it reminds me of a client with one eye who died earlier this year.  It's the kind of period where I soak my feet when I cross the street, not being quite able to straddlea puddle.  Where, when I take my second bite of lunch, I get tomato sauce all down the front of my new blouse I really like.  Where later, someone says, 'come here, you 've got something on your jacket', and it turns out it's a huge smudge of icing where you backed into a cake when someone wouldn't make room for you to get through.  Where you get a paper cut that won't stop bleeding and you have a hard time finding someone who has a bandaid and then an even harder time getting help putting it on, so it's all wrinkled around your finger when you end up doing it yourself.. 



  1. Such unhappiness and restlessness, Neora; as I read I wanted to give you a nice long hug, but realized if that had been me, I wouldn't have been able to sit still long enough to appreciate it.

    I hope that energy moved you closer to making the changes you needed to make your life a little happier. No... a LOT happier.

    I'm thinking of you and sending you my best hopes and wishes...

  2. One of the wisest, most comforting things I had someone tell me once was "It's okay to be in the struggle of it."

    Just keep on, keepin' on. We all have days like this. If you can see the humour in it and remember to breathe, you'll get through.

    As Dory, my favourite fish says "Just keep swimmin', Just keep swimmin'".

    Thanks for stopping by my place today and taking part in the festivities. Feel free to stop by any time.