So, I'm tired of impression management and I'm tired of thinking I need to keep certain things to myself and I'm tired of worrying about worrying people and I'm tired of the patchwork mess much of my life is.
When I was growing up, I was not taught, nor did my parents model, what we call the Instrumental Activities of Daily Living, which includes meal prep, med management, money management, laundry and chores.
I suck at them all. Except for being a pretty good cook. I especially suck at managing money. And, with two major changes to my finances, I can't afford my life. Currently this takes the form of not having had electrical services since June.
Over the last two years, my rent went from $275 to $525. I added a car payment of $365/month. My health care deductible went from $500 to $2500. I have the storage fee of $100/month. It's too much.
I have to have the car for work, but can't get it re-financed. Need the health care in case of catastrophe. Can't save the money to get the stuff out of storage, or to replace the car window broken two years ago or the side mirror I tore off two years ago.
Because of all this, I have no idea when I will be able to get the electricity turned back on. Which means I cannot use my c-pap machine for my sleep apnea. Meaning I stay a bit more tired and groggy. Truth be told, that's probably why I can't swim as much. It means I can't use my microwave or keep food in the frig, so I eat out more, adding to my costs. It means I can't do artwork at home. I read by candlelight.
So there. I've laid it out. Universe, what do you have to say?