Thursday, December 16, 2010

Digging Deeper

So, I'm tired of impression management and I'm tired of thinking I need to keep certain things to myself and I'm tired of worrying about worrying people and I'm tired of the patchwork mess much of my life is.

When I was growing up, I was not taught,  nor did my parents model, what we call the Instrumental Activities of Daily Living, which includes meal prep, med management, money management, laundry and chores.

I suck at them all.  Except for being a pretty good cook.  I especially suck at managing money.  And, with two major changes to my finances, I can't afford my life.  Currently this takes the form of not having had electrical services since June.

Over the last two years, my rent went from $275 to $525.  I added a car payment of $365/month.  My health care deductible went from $500 to $2500.  I have the storage fee of $100/month.  It's too much.

I have to have the car for work, but can't get it re-financed.  Need the health care in case of catastrophe.  Can't save the money to get the stuff out of storage, or to replace the car window broken two years ago or the side mirror I tore off two years ago. 

Because of all this, I have no idea when I will be able to get the electricity turned back on.  Which means I cannot use my c-pap machine for my sleep apnea.  Meaning I stay a bit more tired and groggy.  Truth be told, that's probably why I can't swim as much.  It means I can't use my microwave or keep food in the frig, so I eat out more, adding to my costs.  It means I can't do artwork at home.  I read by candlelight. 

So there.  I've laid it out.  Universe, what do you have to say?


  1. This is unsettling in a lot of ways, dear's winter and the cold will get worse before it gets better.

    I'm concerned for your well-being; are there resources through your faith community which might see you through this time?

    Steve and I have dialed down the thermostat during bedtime hours, but when I'm up during that time the house is pretty cold at 62 degrees. How do you manage with no electricity?

    Please, do take care and try and find help...surely there is something which may help.

  2. Marge,

    Thanks you for your response. It's not as dire as it could be, I don't want you to worry too much. The heat is gas and the power company never shuts it off. The major thing is not keeping food without the refrigerator. I'm in one of those self-confronting moods which can be helpful in the long run, do you have those?

    Since it is not life-threatening, I am just trying to use it as a carrot to change my behavior for the better.


  3. I'm finally catching up with my blogging family, Neora; didn't see this until I scrolled backward through my update notifications.

    Thank you for YOUR response. Yes, I have such moods which usually lead me to smacking myself in the forehead and moaning: "Why didn't I see that sooner???" Then some pretty cool things happen.

    I can identify with your need to change things in your life which need work. Let's be patient with ourselves--sometimes that's the hardest thing to do. We'll get done what needs to be done.

    *hugs Neora very bigly*