Days of Awe 2010

It's time for those dreams to be put aside; those dreams that leave one more exhausted than when they drifted off.  I sprout wings and somersault through time......the past rises before me yet is ephemeral.  I move through it as in a fog.  Looking below I see the sites of my childhood, the monopoly board of my beginnings.

Today is the birthday of the world!  And I look for my center, my fulcrum, my teshuvah.  Do the somersaults count? 

Children grow; last year's shy bar mitzvah boy is this year's young man, finally willing to look me in the eyes and shake hands. 

I remember the dreams of my impending death; a death prepared for carefully by those with me.  Do they know what role my subconscious has assigned them?  Turn away.  Turn toward life. 

The moon-smile signals birthday's beginning.  Moon smiles to herself alot.  Sun boasts of controlling the days, but she has the power to mark the holy-days, to influence the fluids of life, to trigger ecstasy. 

Eyn od....ey-yn od....ey-ey-ey-yn oooodddddddd.....eyn oooodddddd......

Lovely lady, be with me.  Be with me with your quiet merriment, your stalwart beliefs.  I turn to you for discovery; were you able to let go any better than me?

'You have drive, such drive.  I keep coming back to that.....a car.....and joy, deep joy'.

I want to atone to those two whose life I have turned completely upside down and inside out.  May their increased quality of life do it for me since to atone would seem to admit a mistake. 

Sh'ma Yisrael!  Nachamu ami!

Moon-lady, moon-smile, who cradles my brother, help me crochet my nest of light and love.  Help me weave into it friends and justice and beauty and righteous deeds.

The dreams are back as I plead to be written in the book of life--and then sealed.  Pain returns, hard to stand or hold a machzor. 

Sam and Lena escort me to the bimah.

May prayer teach me through what I lack.