Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Thing

There's this thing I keep on running into.  It's an internal thing.  It keeps me from doing alot of things I know would be good for me.

It keeps me from making a dental appt.
It keeps me from setting up some bills on auto payment.
It keeps me from making medical appts....
...from doing laundry.....from getting the car in for maintenance.

I don't know what this thing is.  I've been in therapy most of the last twenty years and haven't figured it out.

Sometimes I wonder if I need to know what it is.  Maybe all I need is a coach to get me over the hump of this thing so I make progress in my life.

But a morbid curiosity sometimes wants to know.


  1. You're right, I feel in that it likely doesn't matter beyond curiosity, however it is always nice to have a name for something and a cubby to put it in. But I think it is simply a form of depression and a lack of self motivation. If I seem to speak knowingly of it, I have been there a few times but I got over the problem. You can too. :-) But you have to want to.

  2. I guess I'm not automatically labeling it depression, because it is a constant in my life, even when my depression is in remission. Doubtless, depression and anxiety affect it, but is an immutable part of me since childhod.

  3. I don't know what it is, but clearly it's a global problem. I have that too! I wouldn't like to call it a lack of self-motivation because that sounds a little harsh to me. I do think it's self-sabotage though - but that shouldn't be the label either, because there has to be a reason behind it. In my case, I suspect the reason is fear: fear that I will get it wrong, or that I will get it right even! I think it boils down to worrying that I'm not good enough, and at the same time some part of me that still believes that I really AM not good enough (and hence doesn't deserve success?)