There's this thing I keep on running into. It's an internal thing. It keeps me from doing alot of things I know would be good for me.
It keeps me from making a dental appt.
It keeps me from setting up some bills on auto payment.
It keeps me from making medical appts....
...from doing laundry.....from getting the car in for maintenance.
I don't know what this thing is. I've been in therapy most of the last twenty years and haven't figured it out.
Sometimes I wonder if I need to know what it is. Maybe all I need is a coach to get me over the hump of this thing so I make progress in my life.
But a morbid curiosity sometimes wants to know.
You're right, I feel in that it likely doesn't matter beyond curiosity, however it is always nice to have a name for something and a cubby to put it in. But I think it is simply a form of depression and a lack of self motivation. If I seem to speak knowingly of it, I have been there a few times but I got over the problem. You can too. :-) But you have to want to.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm not automatically labeling it depression, because it is a constant in my life, even when my depression is in remission. Doubtless, depression and anxiety affect it, but is an immutable part of me since childhod.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what it is, but clearly it's a global problem. I have that too! I wouldn't like to call it a lack of self-motivation because that sounds a little harsh to me. I do think it's self-sabotage though - but that shouldn't be the label either, because there has to be a reason behind it. In my case, I suspect the reason is fear: fear that I will get it wrong, or that I will get it right even! I think it boils down to worrying that I'm not good enough, and at the same time some part of me that still believes that I really AM not good enough (and hence doesn't deserve success?)
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